All lyrics © 2002 Psylab Studios

WINTER DAY
- words by Lars
This is about someone I had met years ago and the time we spent together.

I stared intimately into black holes
and willingly lost my soul
What lies inside is a mystery
but hesitation intrigues me
A vow together "you're mine now forever"
but our love won't grow until the skin is severed
Cold metal against the skin
Anticipate it's entrance
Such a slight pressure breaks the thread so thin
And exposes a weakness that hides within
Does this bring you closer or is it wrong
Or a substitute to feeling strong
Never wish to die
Never meant to hide this
You gave me your soul
And I won't let go
My toy to have and hold
A love to refuse
A mind to abuse
Now that I reflect
There was so much to reject
An unsteady hand
Grasps tightly
Hangs loosely
An unsteady mind
Hangs loosely
Grasps tightly
To anything

DISTURBANCE
- words by Leif
I wrote this after a friend of mine from childhood told me how she'd been molested once years ago.

I thought the dark would hide me
I thought that I was safe
I had something inside me
A voice, a pain, a face
I felt their hands
I felt the tears begin
I heard them laughing
The black room slowly spins
I remember how spoke to them
No answer ever came
I remember now the faces
But no one had a name
I can't awake from this dream
My thoughts are now haunting me
With pounding heart and trembling hands
I must give them what they demand
Turning me inside out
Upside down I'm torn apart



FRAGMENTS
- words by Leif
These words come from many years of depression caused by shyness and an inability (or unwillingness) to relate to people. It becomes a vicious cycle and demands a heavy toll.

Remember from a distance
A life of black and gray
Memories like poison
Desire like decay
Moving through a descending haze
Back and fourth through time and space
It seems so easy for everybody
While ghosts like me observe silently
Leave my suffering unspoken
Leave my loneliness unbroken



DISCHARGE
- words by Leif
This is basically about porn, something that a curious boy will get into at an early age, before he really understands what it's all about.

Lines and colors
Organized by the mind
Reaction occurs
Frustration stirs
This need unreasoning
Substitute for something
Body chemistry
Takes control of me
Exactly the same way
Every single day
This need unreasoning
Symbolizing something
Attitude of discipline
But the need comes around again
Turning pages looking
Into eyes that don't look back



WITHERING AND WISHING
- words by Leif
This is about a specific woman that I had a very close relationship with. The highs were very high, the lows were very low, and it was terribly difficult to part from her. Circumstances were especially complicated. Despite my heartfelt efforts to hold things together, I felt betrayed and slighted in the end.

Flirting with oblivion
I'll never know the truth
How I wish I could die
How I wish I could kill you
Nothing lasts for you
Thus everything is new
When I breathe my last breath
What will I regret?

How I wish there was a world
Only for me
How I wish I lived my life
Never touching anything

Weak yesterday
And alone tomorrow
We've lived a lie
Forever wondering why
Selfish today
And sad tomorrow
You've already begun to die
But so have I



CURSED
- words by Leif
About the seeming pointlessness of everything. These are some of the first lyrics I ever wrote. They sat unused in a notebook until this album was recorded.

Infant
Emerging
Trusting
Crying
for no reason
People
Believing
Trying
Fighting
for no reason
Humans
Learning
Living
Dying
for no reason



IN NATURE AND BLACK
- words by Lars
This is basically about knowing a relationship is going to end and how it slowly deteriorates. And even though you know it's hopeless you still try to hang on.

The faint presence of fear
Softly whispers in my ear
It's unsettling to be here
The future still remains unclear
No longer intimate
Emotions grow desperate
The mind appears intricate
Weak and desperate
A vivid reflection
A painful rejection
Emerging black and old
The heart and soul turn cold
It's time to plant the seed
Weakness is where it feeds
A need for complete control
Blanketed in shadow
The illusion follows
A ghost of a chance
That I can't let go
And I can't let go